The One Where Mommy Messes Up

My good friend Carol is always blogging about the Bad Parenting Chronicles.

And I usually laugh, because she's one of the best moms mums I know, and her bad parenting is hardly such.

I'd have to say I had my moment in the sun pouring rain this afternoon.

MH and I went to a lovely Gymboree birthday party.

By far, I think the 3rd birthday is the best - the kids get that it's all about them, they all follow directions, and you can see how much fun they have playing together. It's fabulous.

And then, of course, comes the party favor bag.

MH has been known to go to a non-birthday party and ask one of us where her party bag is.

She's been known to carry around an empty favor bag just because she loves it that much.

This party bag was a lovely pink, had a balloon attached to it, and her name written on it.

After the party, we helped our hosts bring their gifts to the car (in the POURING rain), and then headed to our own car.

MH could not wait to open her special bag and inspect its contents.

I must admit, the party loot was fantastic! We oohed and ahhed over the candy, Hello Kitty magnetic picture frame we could put on our fridge, the Super Star stamp, and by far the most exciting of all - the Tinkerbell socks.

What thought my friend put into making MH's favor bag so special. And clearly, she loves Target as much as I do!

MH was very into her gifts, and at the same time trying to find a way to ensure that her balloon wouldn't pop on the way home.

After all the excitement and chatter about how she couldn't wait to put on her socks at home and use her new stamp, I got in the car and put it in drive.

Not two seconds into the ride, I heard what might possibly be the most hysterical wailing I've ever heard in my life.

Not the I'm hurt really badly wail.

Not the Mommy, please don't leave me at school wail (who am I kidding, this NEVER happens!).

This was not a cry I've heard often from the Mad Hatter.

I instantly slammed on the brakes as MH got herself together enough to manage "You forgot to strap me in!!!".

Ummm, could I be a worse mom?

Seriously, could I?

I have never done this in my life. Three and a half years of having a child, and I've never been so irresponsible.

I think I was so caught up in her excitement of the goodies, trying to get her settled in with all of her raingear on, and getting myself in the car before I was completely soaked.

It took me what seemed like forever to calm her down.

I pleaded with her to stop crying.

I begged.

I apologized for making such a horrible mistake.

I praised her for being such a big girl and knowing how important it is to be strapped in.

I thanked her for being such a good girl and letting mommy know that she had messed up big time.

No matter what I said, those tears kept coming fast and furious.

I felt like a total failure as a mom.

Seriously, how could I have driven off, forgetting to have strapped her into her carseat?

And the way she was carrying on, you would have thought she had been seriously hurt.

She told me her tears were going to keep coming and coming over and over again.

I felt my heart break in two.

Finally, I told her again how sorry I was and asked her what I could do to make her better.

Her answer?

I'm going to keep on crying but if I can eat some candy I'll feel better.

Seriously, that easy?

Done!

Smarties to the rescue.

That and my trusty Ahh-Pod (read: iPod).

When I asked MH what she wanted to listen to on the way home, her immediate reply was David Cook (she also knows he's the best American Idol ever).

I happily obliged, and after that we listened to her ultimate fave by Dee-Onis Yewis (read: Leona Lewis). My girl can belt Bleeding Love like nothing you've ever heard (unless, of course, you heard said wailing above). We finished off with the Bah-Dee-Ahh Song (better known to us grown-ups as September), and all was well and good in her world by the time we arrived home.

I, however, am sure my world won't ever be quite the same.

I couldn't have been prouder of her for being so concerned about her safety, and so knowledgeable about something being so wrong, but I can't shake that bad mommy feeling.

I let her down, and she let me know about it. In spades.

And sadly, I know that as a mom, this is just the beginning of many times I will let her down, without in any way meaning to.

It's a pretty scary feeling knowing that as a mom, you hold that kind of fate in your hands.

I think I can say with complete confidence today's mistake will never be repeated.

But that feeling in my heart? Not so sure.

Maybe for now I just need a little more candy, Tinkerbell socks, and good music.