Just When I Feel Like I've Been Slackin'

I feel like I haven't done a real blog entry in a few days - it's been a little rough around here.


Last Wednesday, I accidentally (seriously, who would do this on purpose?) tripped over MH's baby-doll stroller and went flying. Trying to stop myself from falling probably wasn't the best idea because it made my already horrifyingly pain-filled back go from about an 8 to a 22 (I know, I know, the scale is 1-10). My physical therapist said I probably pulled something trying to stop myself from falling - WHICH, I'll have you all know I did. Stop myself from falling, that is. Of course, the result was increased difficulty in walking for a few days, increased dependency on Percocet and muscle relaxants (and therefore, sleep) for a couple of days, and some major work on my back by said amazing physical therapist. Not necessarily in that order.

In addition, The Mad Hatter wasn't at her best yesterday. She was defiant, and mouthy, and made it known who was going to be boss around here for the day. And to think, I thought it was Father's Day! I know, I know EVERY day is 3 year old day! I decided she was in dire need of a nap, to which she willingly agreed - at first. Hubby no sooner left the house for a little "Dad" time, when MH managed to show me who was boss. She kept calling me back into her room. And back again. I retorted with threats of consquences. Which apparently, meant nothing. She showed me who was boss. She carried on with her screaming and crying until she threw up. In her bed. Where luckily, I didn't have to worry about having this instinct. It didn't make for the finest hours in this household, although the end of the day did have a lovely (no sarcasm intended at all) ending (more on this later, or more likely - tomorrow).

Moving on to today. I had my 4 month post-surgical visit with my neurosurgeon. It was supposed to be last week, but they rescheduled me. With my neurosurgeon. How dare they? I love Chris, the sweet, sensitive, and caring physician's assistant who has handled all of my post-op care. The one who I've had a great relationship with since my first surgery in October. The one who is so empathetic he gives me hugs. The one who was so mortified at how his office staff talked to me on the phone one day he gave me his cell phone number and told me to use it any time (like I have the nerve). The one who never makes me feel stupid, always tells me I'm completely normal (ok, maybe he is just doing his job), and the one who never looks at his watch when I'm on his clock. The one who has become my own personal McDreamy. Yes, we're both married. Yes, it's his job to be nice to me. Yes, he've even given Hubby a hug too. But he just has a way of making it all better, even when it's really not. I feel a bond with him. Did I mention that he's absolutely A-DORABLE?

But I digress.

Today, Dr. D. came walking in. Don't get me wrong, he's fabulous. He is the Chief of Neurosurgery at the hospital where he performed my surgery. He has cut me open twice, put me back together nicely (actually, my incision scar is pretty much perfect), and I am still alive to blog about it. But he's a surgeon, and surgeons just aren't known for their bedside manner. That aside, he seems to like me. He always knows me by name when I am in the office. He visited me several times during my hospital stay. He's definitely likeable. Hell, he even kissed me hello today - on the cheek of course - which none of my other doctors do (and incidentally, he isn't too shabby looking himself, if you like yourself a married man who is probably about 20 years older than you and has teenage kids). But kiss and amiability (is that even a word?) aside, it wasn't him I wanted - I was looking over his shoulder to make sure Chris was in tow. Not so much.


My visit felt rushed, my list of questions felt silly, and I left the office in tears. TIME, he tells me. Repeatedly. I've heard that one. A LOT. We all heal at different speeds, he tells me. Yep, let's get on with the good stuff. He had nothin'. Try to be patient, let's up your nerve meds. What's that? You're still taking pain meds? It's 4 months post-surgery - we Must.Get.You.Off.Narcotics. I tell him I only take my Percocet in the morning when I get up, to help me get moving because I'm in a lot of pain. This must appease him, because after a brief lecture on how I don't want to be addicted to narcotics (Chris and I have had this convo a zillion times with ME being the concerned one, and we both know that I'm nowhere near being addicted to pain meds. I just have the tolerance of an elephant when it comes to any and all meds and can pretty much take enough to put most people into a coma while I'm still dancing around them in profuse pain) he writes me a new scrip. Does this mean we'll work on getting off the drugs 3 months from now at my next visit?


Anyways, it was just frustrating, and sad because I don't want to hear about how much time it could take. I want to know what I could be doing RIGHT NOW to get better. I want to know what I could be working harder at. I want to know what I should be laying off of (besides the drugs). I'm barely driving because I don't feel safe considering my range of motion leaves something to be desired and he says I should try to work through the pain and "work on that". But lift my little girl? Absolutely NOT, in my condition. I just felt like the whole visit (which lasted 10 minutes, if you include the call he stepped out to take on his cell phone) was one big contradiction. I should clarify that for the most part, Chris would have given me the same kinds of answers to my questions, but somehow I know I would have felt a little better about all of it. I would have had better advice. That's why he's the PA who does patient aftercare and Dr. D. is the brilliant neurosurgeon. He's not a bad guy, in fact he's great. He's just much better with a scalpel than with boosting morale.

The point of all this rambling is, I had a rough few days topped off by a really sad day. I cried a lot and MH kept yelling at me to stop, that my crying was making her sad. (Note to self: stop telling MH that her crying and carrying on during a tantrum makes Mommy sad, apparently 3 year olds have a hard time differentiating between necessary crying and you're going to put Mommy in a rubber room crying). I really just want to feel better already, and I'll do anything to get to even half of the me I was a year and a half ago. And it's frustrating not to see a light at the end of the tunnel, because as good 'ol Dr. D. says, I just need to keep doing what I'm doing. It takes TIME.

And then I click on bloglines. I couldn't resist one last peek before bed. And McMommy had posted this fabulous post (when aren't her posts fabulous). Actually, it wasn't just a post - it was an awards ceremony. With a red carpet and everything. And guess who was the recipient of an award from McMommy?

(drumroll please . . . . . . . .)

ME!

And McMommy seriously made my day. Her posts always do. But today especially. You see, McMommy is the reason I decided to take the plunge and finally start a blog. And thanks to her, people have started visiting my blog. And leaving comments (which you all know makes me do the happy dance). McMommy is way more than a gorgeous mom with a hottie husband and two beautiful little boys. She is hilarious, SO very loved in the blogosphere, and genuinely one of the nicest people I've ever "met". In corresponding with her, I've become quite sure that we would be very good friends in real life. She makes it a point to spread her good cheer and kindness to others on a regular basis (I can't tell you how many blogs she must visit on a daily basis, and yet she almost ALWAYS leaves a comment on mine), and the good she brings to others' lives is evidenced only more by the fact that every award she passed out at her ceremony is one she received from another blogger. I could go on and on, but if you check out her blog you know I don't need to say another word. She just ROCKS.


So, I proudly present my award from McMommy: The Arte y Pico Award




Apparently, this award has some qualifications: (From McMommy's post) Choose 5 blogs that you consider deserving of this award for their creativity, design, interesting material, and also contribute to the blogging community

So McMommy, thanks for thinking so much of me and my little 'ol blog, and for brightening my day - as you always do, but even more-so today. I will be going to sleep with a little smile on my face tonight, and believe me, it's one of the first of the day (although I did see McDreamy in the hall after my appointment, and we hugged, and I told him how sad I was that I didn't get to see him today, and he told me to call him and we'd catch up, he knew the deal - that did make me smile too, but it still falls a close 2nd to my McMommy smile).

I'm going to borrow one of the awards you bestowed upon another well-deserving blogger and send it right back to you:

I promise to do my best at continuing to uphold the standards that brought me the honor of your award! Thanks for choosing me out of your 5. You really are THE BEST!